Once addicted to people’s approval, insecure and fearful of the world. Now a called out one and disciple of the Word.
Who I Was Before Christ:
My name is Nick. I was the first born on both sides of my family and I was blessed to grow up in a large extended Christian family. My grandparents and parents helped develop Christ centered faith in me at an early age and as Psalms 22: 9-10 would put it “Yet you brought me out of the womb, you made me trust in you, even at my mothers breast. From birth I was cast on you; from my mother’s womb you have been my God.” I gave my life to the Lord at an early age but little did I know that I would soon become a living example of the prodigal son. You see also at an early age I was beginning to become very caught up in this world. I would listen to a lot of music and watch a lot of TV and movies growing up and it started an intense desire to become well known and liked among everyone around me, to be just like what I saw in pop culture. By middle school and high school this was in full swing. I became obsessed with how I looked and how many friends I had and how many parties I went to and how many girls I could get to like me. I would ditch the values and morals that God instilled in me and act like a fool to get people to laugh and like me. I would do anything to get a laugh or look “cool”. This began to backfire as I allowed people to walk all over me. Friends began to take advantage and many older people in my high school disliked me strongly and would mock me and bully me. Everything I did or said was ridiculed and at times I was physically beaten and publicly humiliated. How I acted towards girls also backfired I didn’t treat them right and I got my heart broken. This along with multiple concussions all created a perfect storm for depression and anxiety (something that I am genetically predisposed to have). It got so bad my parents had to set me up with a psychologist and they decided to put me on antidepressants. Throughout this time there were many moments that I wanted to die. I hated myself and saw the world as a frightening, threatening place and begged God to take me out of this world. Now instead of turning back to God from that point on I started to get very involved with drugs and partying. I hated most parties I went to because I really didn’t think or act like the people that where there but it gave me a sense of belonging and importance to be invited and wanted there by others. As college began I started smoking a lot of weed and would binge drink multiple times a week. It was an escape for me. When I was drunk or high I didn’t have to be in my sad reality, I didn’t have to be myself. I quickly got more heavily into weed to a point where I was smoking every day. Like I said, it was my escape. I was in my own world. Isolating myself from all the pain and harsh realties and failures of my life. I vividly remember having the mindset that I was simply waiting for the Lord to return or for Him to bring me home. Little did I know that I was actually grieving the Holy Spirit, rebelling against God, not fulfilling the tasks Christ had for me and hurting my family, friends and myself.
What changed is that I saw that I was becoming just like this world. I looked and acted just like everyone else. My relationship with Christ was almost non-existent, my physical and mental health was decreasing, I had dropped out of college, my relationship with my parents was deteriorating and my future looked bleak. I was metaphorically and literally being brought to my knees, but God had a plan for it all as he was going to use my bad for good and use my weakness to display his power. I knew I needed to act so my parents got me a study Bible, a devotional book, I started going to The Rock Church, I started attending aBSF bible study group and my faith was reignited! I truly felt that I had come back home to my Father from a long, foolish and weary journey. I was baptized and Jesus became the center of my life.
Who I Am Now:
Who I am now is a spiritually born again, child and servant of God. Called out of darkness and this world to do His will. Though I still struggle on a daily basis with mental illness and I have begged God to take it from me, I have learned to be thankful because it is the thorn in my side God has given me to humble me and to teach me how to completely rely on him. Through his strength I am no longer on antidepressants or involved with toxic relationships. I have been blessed with a good job, my own place and an amazing supportive group of family and friends. I can say I am honestly excited for what is to come in my life, not that I think that success or fame, power or riches are coming but that I have the living God guiding me and teaching me every step of the way and that I have a true and passionate desire for His truth and for His word to abide in me. The kingdom of God is within me and nothing can ever separate me from the love of Christ. I am eager and being prepared for my true purpose in life as the Lord reveals to me my mission here on earth. For though I am an alien and a stranger in a foreign land, I have a light guiding me through all the obstacles in my path. The light of the world, the Messiah, the alpha and the omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end, in whom I put all my confidence. All I have left to say is praise be to our heavenly Father for when our day comes.
” Death will be swallowed up in victory.”
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