Who I Was Before Christ
I was young when my parents divorced and my childhood reaped the consequences of this long and difficult separation. Torn between two houses, my brother and I were in a constant state of choosing sides between my mother and father. In the end, I never felt the fight for my affection was about me, but instead about my parents and their unsettled differences. I started to look for affection in friends and my need to feel accepted soon outweighed everything else. I became what I thought everyone wanted me to be and sought attention by gossiping and lying. For a while this worked. I became friends with the most popular people and was invited to fun parties. Still this wasn’t enough. Outside I seemed fine, but insecurities set in about my body and the way I act, I was broken on the inside. In middle school I began to hurt myself, thinking this was the answer. I didn’t understand how I could have a great life and still feel so empty.
I was invited to go to church camp by a couple friends for a week. It was here where I learned about the love of Christ and his purpose for my life. It was the happiest moment of my life. Unfortunately, I didn’t fight for this faith and I succumbed to high school pressures a couple years later. Craving to be loved by anyone, I became involved with a boy that wanted nothing but to use me. Most of my friends drifted into to heavy partying and I, too, wanted to test the waters. All of this led me down the wrong path that was ultimately destructive and had me missing the genuine love I felt once before.
The change didn’t happen overnight. I became fed up with how I was acting and how I was feeling. Deep down I was a Christian and my heart had been changed from before so I felt guilty for the way I was acting and the trouble I was getting into. I tried to block it out and force myself into believing it was fun just like everyone said it was, but I knew what the answer was: it was Christ. Luckily I still maintained some Christian friends who spoke into my life and helped me back on the right track. I made conscious decisions to get closer to God. I started to read my bible, speak out about my faith and chose to get baptized. Slowly God filled the cracks in my life and I began to find a new identity in Christ
Who I Am Now
Over the past four years I’ve learned to trust God through everything. The hurt I once felt has strengthened my relationship with Jesus and helped me fight against sin in my life all the more. It’s never been easy. I’ve been challenged in my faith relentlessly, but I’m determined to believe that God is more and I want Him as the center of my life. I choose God above anything in my life and I’ve never felt so much joy from what God has blessed me with. By choosing Him, I’ve been blessed with incredible friends, a loving church and a joyful future. Instead of navigating through the treacheries of needing love and being controlled by rejection, I choose to show others the love Christ showed me and I have never felt more filled.
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